Friday, October 30, 2009


now I know where it is.
heaven's in emeryville, california.
1200 park avenue to be exact.
you can't miss it; there's a big sign out front.
it says P I X A R.

once you get through the gates of heaven
you enter an indescribable universe.
it's where I want to live forever.

my personal version of heaven goes like this:
I live in a home depot shed in the animators section.
my formal title is: Pixar Good Will Ambassador.
my job is to greet the creative geniuses each morning
with hot cups of java and donuts and crisp conversation.
my day is spent spreading joy to the Pixar workforce,
drinking free cokes with lots of ice,
and giving outsiders the same special guest tour
I was given by andrew stanton and pete docter.

in my spare time (this is the heaven part)
I sit in the steven jobs-inspired in-house theatre
endlessly watching Pixar films and
reciting each line of dialogue perfectly.
yes, it's the theatre with the ceiling
covered in lights to match the constellations.
(exactly as the stars would be were there no roof)
look! there goes another shooting star!

Pixar is a visual feast filled with storyboards
and concept drawings and like a little boy
in a toy story shop I study every frame.

occasionally I slip into the voice-over studio
to perform a scratch voice-over
for an upcoming wonder at the same mic
used by the likes of billy crystal, john goodman,
holly hunter, tom hanks, tim allen, christopher
plummer, don rickles, kevin spacey, samuel jackson,
the ever-present john ratzenberger and so many others.
hey, you never know when a scratch vocal
just might be the perfect character voice.

in the evenings I take up residency in the secret
Lucky 7 lounge where I practice bartending
for the tired geniuses and technicians.

and lastly, as the workforce leaves
filled with happiness and go juice
I perform an improvised concert
in the vast Pixar lobby to send them home
inspired and ready to return.

that's my version of heaven.

ps: thanks andrew and pete for the best
tour diversion I've ever had.

psst: I didn't mention martha or my kids,
the power trio, or all my best friends
because to be in heaven you have to be